if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
