i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize