Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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