i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
