update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
