peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
