Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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