we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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