she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
