she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
