It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
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