I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
she pinky promised me she was 18
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
