READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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