he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
