is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
