Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I've blown a few things in my day
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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