worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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