I have demons in me.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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