yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Randomize
