we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize