Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
