I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Randomize
