i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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