So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
