btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
