she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
