when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize