I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize