Heybabeimwearingurpanties
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
