Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
