Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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