Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Randomize
