Buhtt sex?
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
