if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
