I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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