can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
