I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
