Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
farters have to be the big spoon...
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
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