I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
This is the high leading the old right now
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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