Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
