1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
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