He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize