Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
