Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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