I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
