His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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