i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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