You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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