woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
