So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
