I wish I could punch you in the face.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
