I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize