So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
dude i'm inner monologue high
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
