Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
