mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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