I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize