just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
