Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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