Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
