Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
