My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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