i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Randomize