You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
