he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
