chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
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