im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
