its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
