Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
