Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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