I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Damn victory sex feels great
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
