duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
